Hello? Anyone there? Nope, looks like I'm alone. Sweet.
If this is too long, don't read. Skip the next four paragraphs because they are just introductions, and introductions are never needed.
First of all, it's good to be back in the States. Serving an LDS mission in Russia was awesome. Also, it's good to be blogging, too, I guess. It took me six months after being home to decided to start doing this again, so there's that.
So since I know nobody reads blogs anymore, unless moms, chefs, or a combination of the two decided to flee Pintrest, so I guess I'm writing here in order to be more, what's the word, responsible? No that's not it. There is something in the brain that happens when you know something and you can't remember it. In order to try to help the memory find whatever it is you want to remember, all the similar things get temporarily blocked, but the thing you actually want to remember gets blocked in the process. That's why when you're at a party and you're talking about movies and someone says, "That one comedian from Elf and The Other Guys. What's his freaking name?" And since everyone wants to be the cool person who knows every reference ever, everyone's brains go into hyperactive blocking, which is why nobody else can remember either. So ironically, the most effective thing to do is to distract yourself so your brain stops blocking those things, and then when it's not blocked anymore it suddenly pops into your head. And even though I distracted myself explaining how this all works, I still for the life of me can't figure out what that freaking word is! It means reporting to someone. Staying...something. Dagnabbit, what's that word?!?!? ACCOUNTABLE!!! That's it. I tried looking in the Preach My Gospel manual, and then I looked up "loyal" in the thesaurus, no joke. Anyway, why I'm here:
I'm gonna make a new years resolution for 2015 to write something creative everyday. I still haven't figured out any specifics, like how many pages or how many hours a day I write or anything, which is why I'm getting a couple days head start. The reason I'm announcing this to the empty void of the Internet is to keep me more accountable. I don't even think I'll post this on facebook. Whatever random person out there reading this, whether I know you or not, keep me in check, please. I'm not saying I'm gonna be writing a blog post everyday, though it may be healthy, though cumbersome to the poor sucker who actually enjoy my writing. I might use this, or google docs, or a hand and paper writing journal, or whatever to keep up this resolution. But if you don't hear from me, just drop me a comment saying, "Yo, you keeping up on that revolution or are you slacking?" Much twould be 'preciated.
But since nobody read those first two paragraphs anyway, some of my writing has been in vain. However, I'm still accountable to this empty void of Internet. Any squirrel who found a smartphone in a dumpster could be reading this and now I'm accountable to him, even if he doesn't put me in check. Get the idea? Well, here's a hopefully entertaining story that will just spill out of ice cream truck call my brain:
"That's preposterous!" said the bearded brick sorcerer (in parentheses commentary: [I subconsciously promised myself I wouldn't do this but oh, well] for some reason I like bearded characters. They're more interesting. Also brick sorcerer sounds more exiting than brick layer. Just imagine him as a brick layer, but cooler, or something), "I can't finish this wall in seventumpth fortnights!" (Seventumpth fortnights is equal to one and one-third human months, I guess)
"No, I suppose you can't do it alone," said the Highlord Grandsir Festelton, "I suggest hiring a crew to assist in finishing the project. All wages shall be reimbursed through the funds of the kingdom's treasury. I trust it shouldn't prove difficult to find eager civilians looking for quick coin."
"With a usual wall, yes," Said the brickmaster, "but you hired me to construct a low-entropy, cosmic enchanted, vibe deflecting defense structure! The bricklay patterns alone takes years to master! I can't just teach a handful of street thugs how to mix point eight density space glaze with snow cement and wolf pitch! It took me two and a half years to study in Mudland Brick Appreniceship before I was even authorized to touch a mage-mason spade! And you expect me to let these can't-reads handle any of this hardware? That's like letting a horse sit in the His Princeship's throne!"
"I understand your concern, Mr. Breadsaw," Said the Highlord, "but the Kingdom is in danger. We have no choice. We can help supply as many people you require, even soldiers, if we have to."
"'How many' isn't the problem. It's 'who,'" said Thrimfond Breadsaw, "I know three of the best brickwarlocks I know. One of which was my teacher, the rest were my pupils. If they were here, we could have the whole wall built before the enemy army assembles their giants"
"I'll have His Princeship order the Royal Scouts to send for the brickwizards immediately. Where do they reside?"
"You can't expect to find them on your own. I'd have to come with them." Said the brickmaster.
"We can afford your leaving the kingdom," the Highlord said, strictly, "you must stay here and keep building this wall."
"Listen, you royal fancypants," said Thrimfond, pointing his finger, "Even if you do find them, they won't help without the spoken testimonial of a fellow brickwizard. Even then, it'll be hard to convince them to join the cause."
"What if there is a preemptive attack? This wall is only a fourth of the way complete."
"Have your basic bricklayers build some temporary walls until I get back. The fortification bricks at my shop are at their disposal, any other materials that are enchanted they will need training for. Also, I have hidden 5 enchanted bronze brickstones of natural defense, specifically designed and created for this type of thing. They are very high-entropy and deteriorate over a just few days, so only use them in emergencies."
"How do they work?" asked Highlord Festelton.
"They're basically like seeds," explained the brickmaster, "only instead of growing a tree, it grows a wall. You'll need a kiln to get it hot enough to split and plant. Once the brickpower starts taking effect, the ores from the ground flow up, thus creating a trenches on either side in the process. The wall is made of whatever material is underneath it, so planting it over stone is a lot more effective than on soil or sand. Which reminds me, NEVER plant any of the bronze bricks in water sources. Do you understand? Not the ocean, lake, river, not even a mildly damp swamp."
"Why not?" asked the Highlord
Memories of storms and floods bolted into the brickmaster's mind.
"Just don't do it, alright man?"
If this is too long, don't read. Skip the next four paragraphs because they are just introductions, and introductions are never needed.
First of all, it's good to be back in the States. Serving an LDS mission in Russia was awesome. Also, it's good to be blogging, too, I guess. It took me six months after being home to decided to start doing this again, so there's that.
So since I know nobody reads blogs anymore, unless moms, chefs, or a combination of the two decided to flee Pintrest, so I guess I'm writing here in order to be more, what's the word, responsible? No that's not it. There is something in the brain that happens when you know something and you can't remember it. In order to try to help the memory find whatever it is you want to remember, all the similar things get temporarily blocked, but the thing you actually want to remember gets blocked in the process. That's why when you're at a party and you're talking about movies and someone says, "That one comedian from Elf and The Other Guys. What's his freaking name?" And since everyone wants to be the cool person who knows every reference ever, everyone's brains go into hyperactive blocking, which is why nobody else can remember either. So ironically, the most effective thing to do is to distract yourself so your brain stops blocking those things, and then when it's not blocked anymore it suddenly pops into your head. And even though I distracted myself explaining how this all works, I still for the life of me can't figure out what that freaking word is! It means reporting to someone. Staying...something. Dagnabbit, what's that word?!?!? ACCOUNTABLE!!! That's it. I tried looking in the Preach My Gospel manual, and then I looked up "loyal" in the thesaurus, no joke. Anyway, why I'm here:
I'm gonna make a new years resolution for 2015 to write something creative everyday. I still haven't figured out any specifics, like how many pages or how many hours a day I write or anything, which is why I'm getting a couple days head start. The reason I'm announcing this to the empty void of the Internet is to keep me more accountable. I don't even think I'll post this on facebook. Whatever random person out there reading this, whether I know you or not, keep me in check, please. I'm not saying I'm gonna be writing a blog post everyday, though it may be healthy, though cumbersome to the poor sucker who actually enjoy my writing. I might use this, or google docs, or a hand and paper writing journal, or whatever to keep up this resolution. But if you don't hear from me, just drop me a comment saying, "Yo, you keeping up on that revolution or are you slacking?" Much twould be 'preciated.
But since nobody read those first two paragraphs anyway, some of my writing has been in vain. However, I'm still accountable to this empty void of Internet. Any squirrel who found a smartphone in a dumpster could be reading this and now I'm accountable to him, even if he doesn't put me in check. Get the idea? Well, here's a hopefully entertaining story that will just spill out of ice cream truck call my brain:
"That's preposterous!" said the bearded brick sorcerer (in parentheses commentary: [I subconsciously promised myself I wouldn't do this but oh, well] for some reason I like bearded characters. They're more interesting. Also brick sorcerer sounds more exiting than brick layer. Just imagine him as a brick layer, but cooler, or something), "I can't finish this wall in seventumpth fortnights!" (Seventumpth fortnights is equal to one and one-third human months, I guess)
"No, I suppose you can't do it alone," said the Highlord Grandsir Festelton, "I suggest hiring a crew to assist in finishing the project. All wages shall be reimbursed through the funds of the kingdom's treasury. I trust it shouldn't prove difficult to find eager civilians looking for quick coin."
"With a usual wall, yes," Said the brickmaster, "but you hired me to construct a low-entropy, cosmic enchanted, vibe deflecting defense structure! The bricklay patterns alone takes years to master! I can't just teach a handful of street thugs how to mix point eight density space glaze with snow cement and wolf pitch! It took me two and a half years to study in Mudland Brick Appreniceship before I was even authorized to touch a mage-mason spade! And you expect me to let these can't-reads handle any of this hardware? That's like letting a horse sit in the His Princeship's throne!"
"I understand your concern, Mr. Breadsaw," Said the Highlord, "but the Kingdom is in danger. We have no choice. We can help supply as many people you require, even soldiers, if we have to."
"'How many' isn't the problem. It's 'who,'" said Thrimfond Breadsaw, "I know three of the best brickwarlocks I know. One of which was my teacher, the rest were my pupils. If they were here, we could have the whole wall built before the enemy army assembles their giants"
"I'll have His Princeship order the Royal Scouts to send for the brickwizards immediately. Where do they reside?"
"You can't expect to find them on your own. I'd have to come with them." Said the brickmaster.
"We can afford your leaving the kingdom," the Highlord said, strictly, "you must stay here and keep building this wall."
"Listen, you royal fancypants," said Thrimfond, pointing his finger, "Even if you do find them, they won't help without the spoken testimonial of a fellow brickwizard. Even then, it'll be hard to convince them to join the cause."
"What if there is a preemptive attack? This wall is only a fourth of the way complete."
"Have your basic bricklayers build some temporary walls until I get back. The fortification bricks at my shop are at their disposal, any other materials that are enchanted they will need training for. Also, I have hidden 5 enchanted bronze brickstones of natural defense, specifically designed and created for this type of thing. They are very high-entropy and deteriorate over a just few days, so only use them in emergencies."
"How do they work?" asked Highlord Festelton.
"They're basically like seeds," explained the brickmaster, "only instead of growing a tree, it grows a wall. You'll need a kiln to get it hot enough to split and plant. Once the brickpower starts taking effect, the ores from the ground flow up, thus creating a trenches on either side in the process. The wall is made of whatever material is underneath it, so planting it over stone is a lot more effective than on soil or sand. Which reminds me, NEVER plant any of the bronze bricks in water sources. Do you understand? Not the ocean, lake, river, not even a mildly damp swamp."
"Why not?" asked the Highlord
Memories of storms and floods bolted into the brickmaster's mind.
"Just don't do it, alright man?"
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