Friday, December 22, 2017

Apricot Jones part 4

Apricot Jones was coming too his senses, but was still a bit loopy.
"Do we HAVE to go to Grumble-bumble?"aked Latr
"Yes, no question," said Indu, "but we need to prepare first. Apricot is the only one who can open the portal. We just need to make sure he doesn't open it too early. Just make sure he doesn't say-"
"Grumble bumble bumble grumble bumble GRUM-BULLLL!!!!" sang Apricot.
"Apricot, no!"
Suddenly little cat paws appeared and pulled all of them through something.

Suddenly they found themselves on their bums, in a bed of flowers, surrounded by pink houses and pink roads and pink people and everything pink. Little dwarf munchkin guys were running in circles around them, holding flowers and singing, "grumble bumble grumble bumble!"
"I'm scared!," said Latr, "I'm scared and I hate this place!"
"Where are we?" asked Apricot, "Did I do this?"
"We're in Grumble Bumble, and yes you did do this," Indu replied, "but I don't blame you."
"I blame you!" yelled Latr, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I just hate this place so much."
"It is our best interest to leave here as soon as possible," Said Indu, "but first we need to do that one thing." said Indu.
"What one thing?" asked Apricot, "And where are we?"
"Grumble Bumble, I told you."
"Oh, Grumble Bumble!" Latr lamented, "Why, did it have to be Grumble Bumble?"
"That still doesn't answer my question," said Apricot, "Why is everything pink?"
Indu started rubbing his shoulders against Apricot's foot, as if he were a cat.
"It's better if you don't ask questions here, Apricot. For the answers will confuse you more." said Indu.
"Why are you rubbing your shoulder against my foot like a cat?" Apricot asked, ignoring Indu's advice altogether.
Suddenly the little munchkin dwarf guys turned to face the flowerbed which Apricot, Indu, and Latr were all standing sitting in.
"You guys are interrupting our song!" said one munchkin guy, in a really angry yet hilarious high-ish pitched voice, "The citizens of Grumble Bumble will not tolerate your crimes!"
"Why are we still here?" Latr mumbled to himself.
Another munchkin dwarf dude pointed and said, "Hey, aren't they the guys that Boss Man said to spit on if we ever saw them again?"
"Yeah, it is! Spit on 'em!"
"What?" yelled Indu, "How do you know it was me! I'm wearing a different hat now!"
All the the dwarf munchkin gnomes started spitting ferociously. Indu  grabbed Apricot's arm and started running. Latr followed closely behind.
"They're getting away!" said one leprechaun munchkin.
"Throw eggs at 'em" said another.
The munchkin dwarf gnomes started throwing eggs, and they surprisingly had strong arms. The eggs exploded like grenades and bombs and they hit the ground.
"I hate this place so much!" Latr yelled.
They ran and ran until they got out of the pink village, and was surrounded by pink grass in a pink field.
"We can't out run them for long. They just get faster and faster," said Indu, "You grab any of those flowers we landed in?" asked Indu.
"What? No, was I supposed to?" Apricot replied.
"That's ok, we'll just use these."
Indu pulled out a bunch of maple tree seeds and shoved them up Latr's nose.
"Ow, stop!" Latr yelled, "What the hecks?"
"Ba-jinga!" Indu exclaimed.
Latr sneezed and suddenly a motorized contraption appeared. It looked like a mix between a maple tree, a car, and something Latr had for breakfast.
"Get in!" Yelled Indu.
They got in the seats of the contraption as Indu started to pilot it. A voice emitted from the seat that Apricot was sitting in. It sounded like an opera guy. "I will protect you," it said, as tree roots wrapped around Apricot's waist and torso.
"Whoa," said Apricot, "Easy there."
The same thing happened with Latr's seat, but roots also wrapped around his nose.
"Protect the mother nose" the seat said.
"This is uncomfortable but it smells good," said Latr.
Indu sat in his seat and pulled back on some branches. Suddenly the contraption started moving and hovering in the air. Soon they were high in the sky. Unfortunately, one munchkin dwarf with a particularly good arm as well as accurate aim, threw an egg the hit the back underside of the contraption. The explosion caused to the contraption to shake violently, but it was luckily still airborne. But now sap was leaking from maple-copter.
"The mother nose has been saved" said Latr's chair, as it unwrapped it's roots from Latr's nose.
"Gee, thanks." said Latr, sarcastically.
The leaking sap was burning whatever it landed on, leaving a trail of fire behind.
"That's not good," said Indu.
"This place is too pink, I hate it!" said, Latr.
"Warning. Warning. Low on sap." Indu's chair alerted.
"I was afraid of that," said Indu, "We're running low on fuel, I'm going to have to emergency land the craft.
"Where are we going?" asked Apricot.
"Remember what I told you about questions." said Indu.
"We're going to the Boss Man," said Latr, apathetically.
"Latr, come on! It was gonna be a surprise!" said Indu.
"Boss man?" Apricot asked.
"Boss man is the high ruler of Grumble Bumble," said Indu, "We need to chop of his hands and put them on the Pangle Statue."
"What?!" said Apricot.
"Don't worry, they'll grow back!" said Indu, "Now...very carefully...landing this craft."
As they touched ground, the roots unraveled, releasing its passengers.
"Thanks for snuggling!" said the seats.
"Weird," said Apricot.
"Alright," said Indu, "the castle is just a few hundred yards up ahead, now from what I remember, the only way to sneak in without being caught is to SNAKE!
Indu was interrupted by a big pink eagle with three talons which dove down and grabbed the three guys.
"SQUAWWWWWWWK!" said the big pink eagle.
"Hey, Indu. Why did you yell 'snake' when you saw the big huge bird dive down?"
"There are no stupid questions, Apricot," Indu replied, "Just pink worlds where questions lead nowhere."
The eagle dropped them into a tube slide thing at the top of the castle.
"Weeeee!" said Indu as he slid down.
"Aaaaaghhh!" said Apricot.
"Boooooo!" said Latr.
At the bottom of the slide, they were greeted by pink guards in pink armor, who put spaghetti handcuff on them.
"Agh, why is it so slimy and gross?" said Latr.
"You don't ask questions around here!" said one of the guards, "Only the Boss Man does that!"
The guard poked Latr in the ribs.
"Owie!" said Latr
"See? That's why you don't ask questions." Indu whispered to Apricot.

Thursday, June 30, 2016

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Name That Celebrity Drawing Quiz

Whoever can guess who this celeb is gets a virtual high-five.

Also, can you tell which one I traced and which one I drew from reference? Betcha can't!

Monday, June 27, 2016

BYU is Finally Updating the Y to "Helvetica" Font

It's about time!

After Brigham Young University's recent purchase of Y Mountain from the Forest Service, Administers have officially announced their first order of action. Citizens of Provo, UT will soon look up to a much more aesthetically pleasing consonant. BYU students are especially pleased at the news, after decades of a government-forced, obsolete typeface desecrating our favorite mountain.

"Finally," said Graphic Design major Thomas Crean, "I'm going to feel cool again when I tell people I go to BYU."

When the new typeface was put up to a vote, Helvetica won with 99.2% (Comic Sans and Papyrus received less than one percent of the vote).  "Helvetica is the most ideal font for our needs " said BYU President Kevin J Worthen, "We're planning on surrounding the Y with permanent lights, and they're so much more easy install with those huge serifs out of the way."

It's going to be a big job, but we're all looking forward to it's completion in the next few days.

See also: Y Mountain re-imagined as two other fonts and an emoji.

Y Mountain re-imagined as two other fonts and an emoji.

Ever imagined thy Y as different fonts? Yeah, me neither, but you know, ummm, Photoshop. Ok here we go.

Comic Sans

Times New Roman

Heart Eyes Cat Emoji

Well, that was fun while it lasted, wasn't it?

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

12 Things You Didn't Know About Guys



There are a lot of guys and a lot of things you don't know about guys. Here are just a few of many of them:

1 Guys have a removable left foot

Male human being have evolved to detach their left foot as a means to escape predators. Unlike lizards, however, their left foot won't grow back. Therefore, they must go back a retrieve their left foot, and reattach it. Today, with lower amounts of natural predators, this feature is almost useless, and some men find it embarrassing. Tall men who live alone will usually detach their left foot before bedtime for comfort, and others are known to remove their left foot for pickup street b-ball.

2 Guys eat high amounts of salt

Sodium controls the way muscles and nerves work, so guys need a lot of it. Guys consume an average of 37 gallons of salt a day. So next time you open the pantry and ask yourself, "Where the heck is all the salt? Where did it all go?" You will know the answer.

3 Guys are really good at pointing at things

Out of nowhere, you might see a guy pointing at something, or any number of things, and suddenly you think to yourself, "Whoa. How did he get so good at pointing like that?" It may seem unbelievable, but guys are just natural at pointing at things. If you ever asked a guy how he got so good at pointing, he literally would not even know what to tell you. He'd do his best and rack his mind to find an answer for you, and stress out and mumble incoherently in a cold sweat. Might even have a seizure. Yeah, better not ask him about it, just to be safe.

My dog just passed gas and it smells awful. It's seriously worse than skunk juice. Ah, I can't breathe! What dark magic is happening in his insides that has the capability to produce such a rancid odor? And how is he not reacting to it himself? If my flatulence was this poisonous I would not be able to play it as cool as this dog. It's still lingering, for crying out loud.

4 Guys think bacon tastes like chocolate

Scientist performed taste tests to determine why guys love bacon so much. So they sat down a number of ladies and guys, and blindfolded them all. First they fed them chocolate, then bacon, and issued a survey after the test. Most of the girls replied, "The first one tasted like chocolate, and the second tasted like bacon." Nearly all the guys told the scientists, "You just put two pieces of chocolate in my mouth. I don't get it." The control group, who actually ended up receiving only bacon, replied in a similar fashion.

5 Guys think odd numbers are confusing

Guys don't like numbers that aren't divisible by two. It makes them angry. That's why you don't see a lot of guys working at cash registers or banks, unless the store has a policy where all prices are even numbers.

6 Guys use robot clones on first date

First dates can be stressful for everyone, especially for guys. They don't like showing signs of fear, so in order to avoid that, they will usually send a remote-control robot clone of themselves on the first date. This is why first dates can be so awkward. It is because the controls used to conduct the actions of robot clones are pretty complicated, so it's fairly common for them to laugh out of place, frequently examine their surroundings, and spill food on themselves. During awkward silences, you can usually assume the verbal configuration is taking time updating new software.

8 Guys can't get out of trees

Guys can climb up trees but can't get down. If you see a guy stuck in a tree calling for help, he's not trying to be funny. Call the fire department.

9 Guys have a "why" chromosome

Something that may have gone over your head in high school human biology class is genetic mutation regarding the "why" chromosome. It gets confused with the "Y" chromosome because they both sound similar. The "why" chromosome is responsible for causing guys to do things that make girls ask themselves questions such as, "Why is he texting me to get dinner with him instead of calling me?" or "Why does he keep talking about his abs?" Trust me, they'd change if they could, they just can't help it.

Intermission part two:
My dog tooted again. I feel like I'm going to die.

10 All guys share the same recurring dream

While girls have various kinds of dreams, guys share the same exact dream of getting their teeth ripped out. That's why you think a guy is repeating himself, when really, you heard the same dream from another guy. They think they're having different dreams, but they're not, so just play along.

11 Guys hate Batman

Guys hate competition, so when you hear guys rave about how cool Batman is, it's safe to assume they hate his guts. Guys know that girls like guys who have a) lots of money, b) British butlers, and c) a black cape. They know if they talk crap about Batman, girls will stop liking them, so they feign interest in order to fit in. Guys find it frustrating they can't be exactly like Batman, especially when they are so close to fitting all the requirements. For example, most guys have a lot of money and a British butler, but they can't figure out how to get their hands on a black cape. Think about it, how often do you see a guy wearing a black cape? Exactly, they just don't know the first thing about getting a black cape. They have no idea where to get one. How did Batman figure it out so fast? It's frustrating.

12 Guys are allergic to metal

They aren't checking your left hand just to see if you're married or engaged. Guys get skin irritation and develop a rash if they get too close to metal. So that's why they act funny if you're wearing shiny jewelry. Also, not related, guys don't like it when dogs are flatulent.

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Apricot Jones part three (3)

"Hello, excuse me, hey!"
Apricot recognized this voice as well. It was even more familiar to him.
"Indu Thyme, is that you?" called Apricot
"Yes, and I have Latr with me!"
Out of the long hallway came Indu, wearing a bear pelt, and Indu, who was carrying a bag of newspapers.
"I assume you've said your goodbyes to my older, younger self, then?" asked Indu
"Uuhm, yes, yes I did. You were a lot taller back then." Apricot
"Well, you know, his kind shrink over time." said Latr
"We don't shrink, we condense," said Indu, "big difference."
Apricot squinted his eyes at Indu, then Latr took his turn squinting at Indu.
"Ah, that reminds me," said Indu, "You have that playing card, right?"
Apricot pulled the Jack of Spades from his pocket.
"Excellent. Now, Latr, you have that seaweed, right?"
"Sho do!" Latr said, as he pulled a longish, slimey, twisy, green thing from his pocket. Indu took the seaweed and placed it on the card, folded it, and held it up to Apricot's face, who immediately waved his hand to keep it away from his mouth.
"Ew! What are you doing!" yelled Apricot.
"Eat it, Apricot! It's a sandwich!" exclaimed Indu.
Latr laughed to himself, "Sand. Wich. Ha ha!"
"Indu, it smells awful!" said Apricot.
"Eat it! It's a hot-dog!" Indu persisted,struggling to get the seaweed encrusted card into Apricot's mouth.
"Latr, come on help me with this!"
Latr thought for a moment, "Uh, eat it, it's uh, it's, uh, it's a taco!"
With that, Apricot swallowed the card and seaweed in one gulp.
"Ow! My throat!"
"How does it taste, Apricot?" asked Indu.
Apricot stood silently for a moment, somewhat delirious, smacking his lips.
"That was the best taco I've ever had!"
"You're welcome," said Latr.
Apricot rubbed his neck with his hand. "The tortilla shell scratched up my throat real good, though. That's no fun. Ow."
Latr shrugged his shoulders. Indu squinted his eyes. Apricot licked his teeth.
"Man," said Apricot, "did you put salsa in there?"
Indu's eyes widened.
"Well," said Latr, "I don't rember putting any-"
Indu cut him off, "Yes, he DID put salsa in the taco!" Indu grabbed Apricot by the collar. "Where does that salsa come from?"
At this point Apricot was getting pretty loopy and laughing to himself. "Who-dy, who-dy, whoooo. Weeeee!"
"Apricot, snap out of it!" demanded Indu, "Where's that salsa!"
Apricot's head was literally going round, as if his head was having trouble balancing on his shoulders. He raised his finger. "Well, it's not so much the salsa as it was the pepper IN the salsa. Or is was it a spice?"
Indu shook Apricot like he was a floppy, puddy man. "Spice, pepper, who cares? Where do we find it?" Indu demanded once more.
"Grumble-bumble." Apricot said, barely audibly.
Latr's head popped up. Indu un-clenched his grasp and looked down.
"Did he say Numble-pumble?" asked Latr.
"No...MUCH worse." said Indu.
Latr's eyes widened. "He didn't say Dumble-shumble, did he?"
"No... he said," Indu turned to look Latr right in the eyes, "Grumble-bumble."
"What?" siad Latr, "We can't go there!"
"We have to," replied Indu
"But it's the worst one! Why don't we go to Dumble-shumble? It's bad, but not half as bad as Grumble-bumble."
"The SPICE isn't IN Dumble-shumble!" yelled Indu Thyme,"It's in Grumble-bumble, so THAT'S where we need to go!"
Apricot burped, which brought him to his full senses. "Oh, man. That leaves a crazy aftertaste. I could go for another one, though." He looked up at Indu and Latr and said,
"Grumble-bumble, anybody?"